Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Spring Break 2014 celebrity hosts for South Padre Spring Break already signed plus other funny shit

Inertia Tours Spring Break introduces for Spring Break South Padre 2014:
MTV Spring Break – Nick Brown – Inertia emcee & party host – “The Real World”
MTV Spring Break – DJ Legacy – Inertia Tours celebrity artist spinning three of our parties
MTV’s DJ Skribble – hosting 2 parties for Inertia Tours on the wheels
The Real World Spring Break Entourage:
DJ Nehemiah “DJ NeHEE” Clark – MTV’s The Real World – spinning our infamous Mardi Gras Party @ Tequila Sunset
Noor – The King of Persia reigns in on the World’s Largest Spring Break Parties
Did you know that our parties we don’t feel are approaching even numbers until we hit 4 digits (a/k/a 1000 people a night) for 23 straight nights last spring break.
Inertia Tours offers the wildest spring break packages to South Padre Island, Texas. We are the #1 Largest provider of US Spring Break Trips – we are based in Texas for Texas Spring Break.
How many people does Inertia bring?
* Enough to pack Louies Backyard with just our students so that it’s nothing but elbows and assholes
*Well, we check in 175 people per hour for 12 straight hours on March 10th.
*For sure we see at least 20 to 40 people per year wee their britches. Yep, that bombed
*We travel more than 1200 sorority members and 700 fraternity members in March – not including our non Greekers!
*So many people whine the parties are “too packed”
*If someone farted in our party, there is no way you would smell it, and we don’t care how bad your farts stink
*We have enough people that we estimate as high as 600 students in our biggest week do NOT end up sleeping in their own condo. Think shrubs, cars, the beach, the
pool side chair, and of course…..the random bed
Other Facts about Spring Break, clients, and South Padre Island
*Inertia hosts an eating contest each week at Whataburger – the finest Texas’ chain of fast food. If you complete the Whatachallenge, your food is paid for by the President of Inertia Tours.
You must eat:
-Triple meat, triple cheese with Bacon burger
-Large Fries
-Breakfast Platter
You have 29 minutes to take it down. Yes, about a dozen people a week complete the challenge. You buy your meal and keep the receipt. Inertia staff must be
on site – notify them you are prepared to participate in the challenge. Enter at your own risk. If you finish the challenge in 29 minutes or less, inertia reimburses you on the spot & you get a FREE King of Whataburger Tee. Girls – just don’t bother.
*The fastest way to spot a Fraternity member is Ralph Lauren. They have made that dude alot of money.
*Rookie Inertia staff are subjected to much initiation as our program is built around fun, partying, and organization.
*We quote our friend Mark Gonzalez – “I drank two of those fuckin’ charlies’ cherries and tried for a third..and GODDAMMMMNNNNNNNNNN I didn’t make it to the top of the stairs.” Mark can drink more vodka than any man I’ve ever seen in 17 years of selling & running spring break
*The Principal of Inertia (yours truly) started staffing spring break in Mazatlan, Mexico with College Tours (now defunct). The TRUE founder of organized spring break travel, Dennis Anderson served as his mentor of sorts. Chad then switch companies to (now defunct) Surf n’ Sun Travel & Tours, then to usa spring break, then to Student Express, then to help found Inertia Tours. Yours truly is on every single check in day, takes care of vendor relations, all condo & hotel contracts, web content, and online SEO, marketing, and creative content.
*Playboy had studies that showed that less than 40% of students actually bang on spring break. We are not sure about hanky panky, that was quizzed
So when your parents say “all people do on spring break is HAVE SEX!!” Say, mom, no way…playboy had studies….”
*Natural Light is the top selling beer during spring break. “Natty Light” baby!
*Please! No doing butt beer bongs & vodka tampons this Spring Break – you gotta see this “The Dr.s” show video: http://youtu.be/ZBhrpBNuB1o
*If you call our office and asked for the “cheapest trip” you have 30 seconds to explain your idiotic behavior or we must let you go. Call us and say “I want the (wildest, sickest, drunkest, nicest, best) spring break trip…we have hours for you.
*Real beer bongs came onto the scene HARDCORE in the late 1990′s
*Inertia Tours operates / owns not ONE but TWO Super Stretch late model Lincoln Towncar Limos – one white, one black 120″ Krystal conversions to transport our VIPs and Campus Reps (salespeople) to the parties each & every night? We do. Be are REP – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeVLXL5XCkg  – sell just 14 trips & earn a free trip.
*Inertia Tours is the only spring break tour operator with an office on location and that is based at their Principal destination.  We are based on South Padre Island.
*Did you know that if you are a smart ass, the DPS in Texas will actually register your city as South Party Island, TX? Several of my friends have them and they serve as their valid State ID
*Some of Inertia’s VIP condo inventory has price tags of up to $2 million US dollars? Did you know that Inertia Tours has at least 20 open units in September for private condos on South Padre Island with private hot tubs/jacuzzis on the patio or inside? We do.
*An “inertia tours socialllll!!!” used to be called an Inertia Mother Fucking Tours! Social but due to complaints, was “downsized.” I mean…if spring break has rules we rule those people out! If you don’t know what a drinking social is don’t call us for a trip.
*The owner of Peninsula Resort flew me and a friend to a Steakhouse in Saltillo, Mexico for a steak dinner on his private twin engine and back to Brownsville. He parties on spring break if you have expensive tequila. Peninsula Island also owns the ONLY ski resort in Mexico – Monterreal – which can get up to 12 inches of snow at one time south of Monterrey, Mexico. Yes, we can get you at trip there too.
Did we work hard enough to get you to book an insane trip with us for Spring Break 2013? Email me chad@inertiatours.com for more info, insight, but please, don’t complain I cussed. I know, I’m working on it.

Inertia Tours Party!


No comments:

Post a Comment